Balancing Act and Second Guessing just a few of life’s challenges

Hello my old friend. Yes I am addressing my blog. Blogging is therapy. I have quite a few coping mechanisms. Writing is a form of therapy for me, a way to reason out the thoughts that bang around my head on the regular. The fact that I have a gift to be able to weave a tale or two amid the chaotic clutter is a blessing.

Today was my first official day “back on the job”. I pulled out my current work in progress and and re read what I have written, something I do when I’ve been away from the story any length of time. I have to reacquaint myself with my “peeps”.

Life had me in a twist with moving and resettling into our new home, the kids having to change school districts and the husband with his own set of woes. Not to mention I have had a cold now for more than two weeks with no signs of it improving. So writing for anything, pleasure, “work” even the occasional Tweet, had gone by the wayside. The family needed time to adjust to new surroundings. I don’t want to wake up the family pet, Nefertiti and all her quirks right now. Her newest thing is to bark at any noise the resembles doorbells and door knocking. {purses lips} Yeah…

So I’ve had many distractions but purposed to get back down to business. The muse is well, and I can see the finish line. But the problem I am experiencing on this new Author journey relates to seconding guessing my character’s traits. I LOVE the way I wrote her, but her profession and lifestyle are challenging for me. My research hasn’t netted me the answers I am looking for to be confident in how she is portraying the BDSM lifestyle she lives.

I am all for artistic license and let the writer be as creative as their own id. Yet I am loathed to write anything that will ring ‘false’ even within the context of fantasy/fiction. I suppose disclaimers are a good “out”. {wry smile} However I know if I can get the answer to a question or two that my “fog” will lift and I will have that clear direction I am striving for with my “girl”.

I am protective of my character, she means a lot to me. The fact that she exist solely on the fictitious plane does not make her any less real to me. I think I feel responsible for her well being and that anything she says or does that isn’t “right” is not HER fault. {Yes I’m wigging out and may seem a bit strange but that’s how I roll when I write. Get over it…}

I have two options as I see it. The first is to write this story the way I feel like writing it and let the “bodies hit the floor” {love the hook to that song…} OR research it to death looking for an answer that may not ever surface and delay finishing the book. I’m not liking the latter option at all but that part of me that wants to be “right” where my knowledge of a subject is, is in the way of the creative muse I have named “Miss Thang.” Miss thang has said several times, “Hey this is fiction, the world you created. You didn’t claim to be an expert!  You are telling a story that happens to include aspects of a lifestyle that technically you know nothing about!”

{Hush Miss Thang…}

Anyone that  knows me personally knows I have a penchant to obsess over just about anything…

Until this resolves I will still continue to write the story. Perhaps that light bulb moment will happen in the midst of it all and I will gain back my confidence in my story.

The worse thing that can happen? Is I rip it back down rethink the direction and re write it.

I just hope it doesn’t come to that. {sighs}

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